If your the light then ill be your shadow. I won’t go with the flow anymore ill fight what i think its right. I can’t stand still when your not in my sight. So why can’t we fly together, take the flight? Don’t worry I won’t cling on you that tight, because I want you to explore the site. -My bf <3
Time have passed and now we are together I hope your kinda recover from the pain you endure because baby girl your the girl I’m gonna marry and I’m pretty damn sure. I don’t care If I’m poor and I got nothing to give you but I will find a way to make you smile and see that face glow like shimmering light that blinds everyone that can’t see it because its so damn bright. Beebee I trust you with all my heart and it was always from the start. I accepted you because you were already been part of me. I don’t care if I was a fool back then and my friends think I was a tool. But look who’s drool dropping on the floor because they are jealous how delicious our love is. This thing we have I’ll always cherish it every moment, because its so adoring. i’ll never get tired of you so don’t think your boring, I’ll only love one girl and that’s you.
What's the name?
*prepares order* Primrose Everdeen!
Today, I was walking on the aisle of a particular restaurant. In front, I saw these two older couples who were about 80+ years old eating together alone. As I walked closer, I noticed the old man, desperately cutting a piece of steak into smaller pieces. I actually felt bad cause the steak seemed pretty tough from my view. Then when I passed by, I heard him say, “Hold on honey, let me finish cutting this thing up so you could chew it better.”
…And then a picture of us flashed in my head doing the same thing at the same age as they were. The only difference was, your voice singing “I wanna grow old with you” was playing as the background song during the scene.
Oh man, this is gonna be harder than I thought.
how do you live your life when you know you can’t be trusted from all the things you’ve done?
Nothing happened, really. Just a random thought.
“This napkin is made from 90% post-consumer unbleached paper. It could have been an electricity bill or parking ticket in its past life. Forgive and forget.” (Taken with instagram)
This is why Chipotle’s awesome (the back of Chipotle’s receipt) (Taken with instagram)
Best place in the world i’d rather be: Taft Ave (Taken with instagram)
So i’ve lied to him… countless of times. I’ve hurt him to the maximum level. I know I don’t deserve mercy and i don’t even ask for it now. I am the most terrible person in the world, and I promise you that this is the last post i’m ever gonna make. I don’t want any more misunderstandings, as if I’m diverting myself to being the victim in this situation when all i did was explain my side of the story. But i know, that i am crap. I am a liar. I am a fucking asshole who just keeps on breaking his heart. I know that. And i hella regret it all. With all this, considering how he reacted to my previous blog post, i just won’t even show my face to him anymore. I can’t even show my face to him in the first place but this, no. I can’t. Take note that i’m not running away from him. I’m not running away from the situation but this is the only possible way to give him justice from what i did. I’ve done so many things to him that I can’t even imagine myself going through all of it. But i know that enough is enough… I’ve tried to make this better before but it’s just worse. I dont fuckin know why i ended up fucking lying to him again. I don’t think there’s any other way. I just cause him pain all the time. I just make him suffer yet he keeps on holding on. I don’t think he’s ever gonna let go and I hate that. I hate how he just lingers despite of the things ive done to hurt him. Well from now on, i think the best thing to do is just leave. And as for me… No, i’m not gonna go off fucking some other guy. And do the things ive been wanting to do. I dont even deserve any of that. I’m gonna be a better person than i am right now. I’m gonna find the reasons why i’ve been so cruel. And hopefully by then, he’ll be better. I know he won’t ever be fully better from all this. But i just hope he will be. I know along the road, somebody else will pick him up from his fall and make everything 10x better than it was with me. He’s an amazing person that any girl could ask for. I just wish that new person won’t take him for granted. Please.
Yknow, It’s gonna be fucking painful without him and i know for sure i’m always gonna miss him everyday. I love him so much but i know that its not as much as he loved me. But i loved him. More than i ever loved anyone. And i won’t ever forget him. Never, in my entire life. That, i could promise…
I don’t write that much anymore but here i am, i can’t get a hold of my thoughts. I just feel like breaking down and crying but i have to let it out, in some way. I have to have an outlet for this, and to be honest, i think this is my last resort. I know for sure that telling my friends will make it worse, and i definitely know that my friends are gonna be tired of listening to my problems.
But it all happened yesterday… I was waiting for my baby to arrive from his clinic. I was in his room doing my research paper on my laptop. When he finally arrived, and as usual, i was ever so happy to see him. I hugged him really tight and looked into his eyes, only seeing him stare at the screen of my laptop. I interrupted him and saved him the trouble of asking and i said “Don’t worry, i just greeted my friend for her birthday.” He then turned skeptical but i think in a jokingly way and reached for my laptop… Before he could do anything, i kissed him. Cause i honestly just really missed him that day and ive been wanting his attention on me. He gave in and we ended up napping together… Only leaving a mark of doubt on his face. …I guess my actions were very suspicious for him… So before leaving for work, he demaded for my laptop. He wanted to inspect it if ever i was hiding anything from him. I promised to him i wasn’t hiding anything, but i guess i just forgot that i was….
When i got to work, i received a message from him saying how i’ve visited my exes’ profiles countless of times last July. Aaah, July… The time when we visited the Philippines. Everything was a disaster by then and our relationship was hanging on a cliff. It was a time when I reconnected with my friends after two years. My friends and i did every possible way to reconnect… We did the things we used to do before i left. They hung out at my house, watched movies on my laptop, and went on Facebook and gossip. I was unconsciously aware that ive visited my exes profiles and twitter accounts cause it was how my friends and i used to gossip. Whenever a laptop is infront of us, when we gossip, we visit the person’s facebook during the conversation. They were just really curious to know if my exes knew i was back in the Philippines and wondered what would happen if they did… I’m telling you, they were pretty inquisitive about it. And i became curious too… If it still affected them in some point. Not that i wanted them to get affected or anything. I was just curious to know what they’ll feel when they find out that i visited the Philippines with my boyfriend all the way from New Jersey. Tbh, i actually wanted them to feel insecure about how my boyfiend would go all the way from New Jersey just to be with me. Cause that’s a huge thing, yknow? That after the way they treated me, i wanted them to think that they were real jerks. That somebody loves me more and would do anything just to be with me. I know, it was pretty dumb. I just wish i didnt have to be so egotastic about it. But yeah, so that’s what happened.
So i couldn’t explain myself to him… Cause i know for sure that he wouldn’t bother considering what i had to say cause i’ve been a liar to him anyway. And plus, if i started to argue, everything that happened in the past between us will just come running back from his mouth and it would just make things worse. I have no defense… Everything I do wrong is permanent. So therefore, i’ll forever be a liar. And it sucks, yknow? Like i’ve been trying to make things right between the two of us cause i know how badly ive hurt him in the past. I really want him to be happier with me. I want all those good moments back as well. But it never will be as long as the past will never be forgotten.
Now he’s far off thinking he wasn’t enough for me. That i couldn’t get over any of my exes. That he’s not good enough. To be honest, i broke up with him laaat night. For some reason its because i didnt wanna hurt him anymore. I didnt wanna commit mistakes that could never be erased. And i’m telling you, i am not even close to being perfect. I’m a messed up teenager who moved to America leaving all my beloved friends and family in the Philippines stuck facing never-ending issues in the house i’m living in. I’ve always lived a life where i had to conform to everyone else’s expectations because of the shadows of my mom’s past that i’ve yet to avoid and with that, i got used to breaking/hating rules which i feel that controls me. I mean, that’s who i think i am. I don’t even care if any of you disagrees. But that’s how i feel.
So yeah… So far, now, i feel terribly sorry for doing the things i did. But since i’ve been ignored all day, it gave me a chance to realize that we both need time alone to process everything that’s happened to us and what is there to expect in the future. I just wish everything goes well…
French Toast w/ strawberries, peaches, and bananas for dinner! Nom!! :3 (Taken with instagram)